btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Im part way to drunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
