you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize