remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
