i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
