The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I could fuck to npr.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
