I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
