I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You're like the curious george of whores
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
