I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My life is pants optional.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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