can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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