I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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