:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
