I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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