fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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