Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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