Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They took my balls.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
