dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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