Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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