I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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