if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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