we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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