i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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