I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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