she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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