You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
