everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
