Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
