I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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