i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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