Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
