Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
