I'm really into asian looking animals
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
