she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
