His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
