You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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