Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
