All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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