oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
