SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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