did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
