He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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