I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
