He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize