forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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