it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
