I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What a dumb baby whore.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
