I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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