I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
