I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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