I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
