I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
