i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
