I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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