What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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