What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
