I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
