So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Randomize
