I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
