you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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