so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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