in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
