I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
