If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
