Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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