Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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