is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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