none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
