ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
