I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
