all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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