woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Panties = found
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