Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
