Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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